Life in the Dark Days

The Winter Solstice has passed, and our days are now beginning the long, slow process of lengthening.  The darkest day is behind us.

Looking at the garden from a window, one would think that it is lying dormant.  Frost covers the ground, the trees are sporting bare, gray branches, the grass hasn't needed mowing in a few weeks and the colors all around are muted.  Left over perennials--still uncut, but brown and dead looking--definitely make the garden appear as if life has left.  But if you go outside and wander through the garden, things are very much alive.

Bright green spikes of snow-drops, crocus and grape hyacinth have pushed up through the earth.  Some of the early tulips and narcissus are showing themselves as well.  The early bulbs are slowing working themselves into flowers.  Buds are swelling on camellias and rhododendrons, tiny pale green leaves are opening up on hydrangeas, and the spidery blooms of witch hazels are unfurling some much needed colors.

Winter blooming plants such as sarcococca and winter jasmine are in full bloom though the blooms are small.  My mahonia 'charity' has bright yellow sprays of flowers.  The two Anna hummingbirds who have wintered over with us are no doubt getting some nourishment from this plant.  (That and fighting over the feeder when it isn't frozen!)  The little birds are actively flitting among the shrubs, the robins and juncos are finding food in the half frozen lawn, the eagles still soar overhead.

Life is very much happening in the garden, it's just a little more subtle and quiet this time of year.  And it's a good reminder that even in the darkest days of our season, even when everything looks half dead, life is bubbling away very near the surface.  We just have to look a little more closely.

Happy New Year!!

Christmas Goats!

Our little goats, who are normally so playful, are feeling the affects of the Winter solstice.  The darkness has pushed all of us into semi-hibernation.  They come out to play when the rain subsides, but otherwise spend a lot of time at their barn door looking at the weather, and then deciding to nap some more.  I watched our bunny emerge from his little den with a huge yawn and long bunny stretch.  It's definitely a napping and eating time of year for all of us!

A friend sent me a very funny video of goats playing set to Christmas music.  Even if you aren't a big goat fan, this will brighten your day!

Sunshine in Seattle

We have an overabundance of rain and clouds in the northwest.  And too many gray and gloomy days to count.  It's a fact of life here.  But when the sun comes out, I wouldn't want to be any place else.

The view from my "office" today?  Spectacular.  To my West, the Olympic mountains loomed large, covered in a fresh white blanket of snow.  The sky above was a brilliant blue, the foothills in the foreground our very own shade of evergreen.

To the East, the Puget Sound and the sky were a perfect winter blue mirror of each other.  For some reason, some trick of the light today, the Seattle skyline was etched against the sky, bright and beautiful. (My cell phone was hardly able to capture the beauty, but was worth a try!)  The sun is so far south this time of year that the light comes in horizontally, illuminating the details of every building.  The Cascade mountains rose up behind the city to complete the splendor.

This day was a gift, given to us so we maintain some sort of sanity through the stormy, wet, winter season we are in.  A shot of much needed light to combat the gray.

Seattle splendor in the sun.  

O Christmas Tree

Twelve days to Christmas and we haven't bought a single present.  We have, however, purchased sheet rock, trim, carpet and bathroom tile.  We are spending our pre-Christmas days rebuilding, which doesn't exactly "feel Christmasy".  Even though I know how blessed we are, how much goodness is in our lives, the storm, the subsequent flood and trying to put our house back together just isn't what I want to be doing.  I've been having the "this is just not what I wanted to do" style of tantrum.

But while I was working in the garden today, I asked myself what exactly I expect the days leading up to Christmas to "feel" like?  Having bought into the collective delusions regarding the holiday season, I like to think of the weeks leading to Christmas as being filled with festive shopping and baking, happy parties with friends, and quiet time to sit by our fire eating cookies and drinking eggnog, contemplating the beauty of our Christmas tree.  This would be a nice way to spend the advent season.

I'm starting to think that the days leading up to Christmas are not meant to be easy.  Or maybe this is just me trying to make sense of my own personal Christmas journey.  I'll be honest: I really can't remember many Christmases past that were relaxing and easy.  It always seems to be a somewhat stressful time.  I do think that Christmas can be all of those good things, but I also wonder if maybe some hardship and struggle is part of the season too.  Or at least a part that we need to allow.

Christmas comes to us during the darkest days of the year.  While our circadian rhythms are telling us to sit by a fire and sleep, our cultural expectations require that we run around shopping and baking and planning and decorating.  And seeing all of our family and friends, and finding the perfect gift for everyone on our list.....talk about a recipe for stress!  And good reason to drink too much eggnog and eat too many cookies!

I actually do enjoy the holiday, even if it sounds otherwise.  There is so much about Christmas to love.  I still love setting out our nativity, arranging Mary just so, and placing baby Jesus in his manger.  I love the smell of our Noble Fir tree.  I love the Christmas music.  I love watching our girls get excited about buying gifts for each other, and excited about seeing their own presents under the tree.  I love hanging our stockings on the mantle.  I love the lights in these dark days (which is so beautifully symbolic).  And I love tromping around the woods with my adventurous, funny husband and daughters to find our Christmas tree.

And that is where I find Christmas.  It's in the moments.  Not always the ones I expect, but in the little joys, the passing peace.  The traditions that are ancient and blended and wise, like bringing evergreens into our homes, I find particularly sacred.  We are of this earth.  It is very dark right now, but the light will return as it always does.  And in the meantime, we bring as much light into our homes and our lives as we possibly can.  We find peace in the quiet spaces of time that come to us, and that we create.  And we trust that we have room for all of the goodness, the stress, the love and frustrations that come our way.  And for our crazy times, we have cookies and eggnog.

Beautiful Callicarpa

When the weather chills and the leaves fall to the ground, I am full of appreciation for those plants that shine in the winter.  Plants with pretty berries are particularly nice to have in the garden.  Not only do the berries provide some much needed color and interest, but they also feed the birds who visit the garden.  And of these berried plants, my favorite is the Beautyberry.

For years I have admired the Beautyberry, otherwise known as Callicarpa.  I have planted them in gardens and recommended them to my friends.  Finally, two years ago, I bought a little gallon sized callicarpa for my own garden, and now it is big enough to see from my desk window.  It's not quite big enough for me to cut branches just yet, but I will at least add a few of the berries to our Christmas wreath.

The variety I chose, C. bodinieri 'Profusion', is absolutely loaded with bright violet berries.  The plant is a graceful, interesting shrub in the spring and summer.  But Fall is when this plant really shines.  The leaves turn yellow and orange and the berries begin to ripen and color.

And when the leaves fall and the garden has taken on the winter hues of brown, green and gray, the callicarpa looks almost tropical in bright shades of violet.

Back to the Garden

With the house in chaos from our flood, I have found some much needed solace in the garden.  I look at our family room--the carpet half cut out, and a wall cut down to the studs--and I don't really know what to do or where to start.  But I go out to the garden, and I know just what to do.

The storm ravished the trees and shrubs in the garden.  A mid-November snow makes a mess of a Northwest garden since our plants hadn't quite gone into full dormancy yet.  But this early wind and snow cleaned the trees of their last leaves and laid waste to the remaining perennials.

I've tended to all of the gardens I work in, and coming into a storm tossed garden doesn't even begin to stress me.  In fact, I love the work.  There is something deeply soothing to me about tidying up a garden and it's been just what I've needed.  Even though it was an act of nature that caused our trouble, it is nature that now comforts me.

That and chocolate.  (Oh, and maybe just a little gin!)  Tonight I am baking a batch of espresso brownies, and just the smell of melted chocolate mixed with butter and sugar is deeply peaceful.  A little peppermint schnapps, some Christmas music, a warm fire, my kids all doing their homework--my soul feels restored amidst the destruction.